Moonraker

Sunday 30th March

So the last film was a misplaced submarine, well the clumsy theme continues as Moonraker explores the fate of a lost rocket, stolen whilst attached to the back of a British aircraft.

Starting off as we so often do James is one moment in the arms of a yound stewardess, the next she has a gun to his head – one has to admire Bond’s faith in humanity, a lesser man would have written off women by now considering how many either try to kill him or get killed following their encounters.

James travels to California to stay with Frenchman Dr Drax in an attempt to apologise for the misplacement of his rocket. Here Bond meets NASA trained Dr Holly Goodhead and avoids getting killed in a flight simulator using a tranquiliser dart. After seducing Drax’s PA in exchange for information Bond makes a swift escape to Italy; chasing down his new lead and coincidently, Dr Goodhead.

Though it would seem Bond’s enemies have also chased him to Venice, thankfully he has with him a turbo powered chitty chitty bang bang version of a gondola to outrun them in. A bit more detective work leads James to a secret lab where he manages to hijack a vial of clear liquid which as demonstrated shortly after has the ability to kill humans in less than a minute if inhaled. In a very sensible move James leaves the highly sensitive glass vial in his pocket while he has a quick fight with a ninja in a museum.

Further jetsetting sees Bond head over to Rio on ‘holiday’ but it seems when James goes on holiday the British secret service offices relocate with him and it’s not long before M and Q are sending him into the middle of the Brazilian jungle, where he discovers Drax’s secret space pad.

Jaws is back, he really is seemingly indestructible – though he does find himself a little girlfriend in this film, which is quite the heart-warming little subplot.

Drax is a pretty interesting villain, with a pretty eerie goal – to grow a new handpicked human super race in space whilst destroying all human life left on earth using a flower. Then return to Earth, assumedly head of the new super-race.   All this talk of perfection seems to get to Jaws, he’s not perfect but now he has his new girlfriend he has no desire to be eliminated and in a rather odd twist he actually teams up with Bond and Goodhead helping them send Drax on a little spacewalk.

If I’m honest, I’ve not been enjoying the Roger Moore films as much as the Sean Connery ones they’re overrun with clichés and cheesy lines which just make me cringe!

The Spy Who Loved Me

Sunday 9th March

Simple start to this film, the world has lost a nuclear submarine, how exactly you lose a submarine I’m not sure but secret services around the world instantly get their best agents on the job, among them 007 and XXX.

Bond starts off in Austria on a different mission, once again getting betrayed by a female companion working for people trying to kill him; in true bond style he escapes wearing a very fetching yellow ski suit which of course has an inbuilt parachute and swaps the Austrian Alps for Cario.

Quite originally newest Bond villain, Mr Stromberg who likes to feed people who betray him to carnivorous marine-life. He also has on hand Frankenstein versions of Laurel and Hardy set the task of tracking down the agents tracking down the submarine. Bond makes quick work of the smaller of the pair leaving his companion Jaws for later.

It’s an almost overly clichéd romantic tale, opposing agents thrown together, a mutual distain forced to be put aside in order to survive and of course, they’re both in evening wear to give the whole thing a sense of occasion – at least XXX stops to tie her hair back, proving her dedication to the task in hand. Unfortunately they leave the task half-finished and while they do leave with the microfilm Jaws is merely delayed and catches up with them on a train where Bond quite originally uses a lamp to do some high-tech electric dental work on Jaws’ braces.

Q was back in this film, if I’m honest I think there’s been rather a lack on him in the more recent films, showcasing his new techniques and gadgets including decapitation via tea tray. Though more usefully he’s developed his own version of Chitty Chitty Bang Ban which quite usefully converts into a submarine, providing Bond and Anya with even more clichéd alone time submersed in a coral reef. However just when Anya is starting to come round to James’ charms she realises Bond is the man behind the death of her recently departed boyfriend – bound to throw a spanner into any budding romance.

Eventually we’re told what Stromberg’s plan is with his stolen submarine, destroy Moscow and New York using the nuclear missiles onboard and create a new world focused around the seas, so essentially he’s a bit of a marine hippy. 

James gets to play a rather intense game of operation to remove a detonator from one of the remaining missiles, which he then transports using cable car to blow his way into the control room with just minutes to spare. International crisis averted Bond is forced to turn his attentions to a more personal one – the navy has been instructed to destroy Stromberg’s vessel which happens to have Anya onboard – can Bond get them both off submarine before the British Navy destroys it – unsurprisingly they both just make it.

This was possibly my favourite Roger Moore so far, if only for the submarine car and DIY Jet Ski and who can resist a clichéd love affair that’s inevitable and yet doomed from the first few scenes of the film.

The Man With The Golden Gun

Sunday 2nd March

So award for most bizarre start to a Bond film goes to The Man With The Golden Gun; a French champagne and tabasco carrying midget, a man with three nipples ad some twisted excuse for a fairground sideshow containing an odd collection of Madame Tussauds rejects. Including a waxwork image of Bond himself, a plot ruiner if ever there was one.

Back to London and M suspects someone has paid a million dollars for Bond to be killed by the world’s most OCD hitman who only uses golden bullets fired from a golden gun and who never misses.  Giving in rather easily M simply suggests Bond retires; Bond however has other ideas and travels halfway across the world to track down his predicted assassin.

Masquerading as Scaramanga Bond breaks into Hai Fat’s house, a flawless plan if only the two met hadn’t previously met and if the real scaramanda hadn’t been in the other room. Further proof that we should never assume as shortly after arriving for dinner James is attacked by two sumo wrestlers.

After being knocked unconscious by the aforementioned French midget wearing a Mexican wrestler mask Bond is sent to some sort of ninja show with mandatory audience participation, at least the appropriate attire was provided. Completely unaware of his previous experience with ninjas they seem surprised when he manages to fight his way past two of them before suicide jumping out the window to join the rest of his own ninja posse, which although is made up primarily of teenage girls proves extremely effective. 

Following and quick speedboat chase and remembering the fun he had with James in live and let die Bond teams up with everyone’s favourite sheriff JW who despite trying to help quite quickly manages to get himself arrested by the Bancock police.

With Hai Fat dead Scarmanga finds himself at the helm of a solar energy plant; strangely solar energy isn’t something normally associated with evil, however when you do harness it to produce a laser powerful enough to blow up a small plane at reasonable difference it easy to see how lines can become blurred.

Our main Bond girl of this film is Goodnight, winning the award for most ridiculously named Bond girl so far, and also the most accident prone, managing to nearly blow up an entire power plant by bending over. I do however admire her determination, not even put off from sleeping with James even after she’s covered in glass and he puts her boss of speakerphone.

With Scarmanga dealt with and tired of jet skis and speedboats Bond makes his final escape from the power plant island in no other than a pirate ship, which usefully has an automatic pilot function, allowing him to finally hook up with Goodnight.

The highlight of this film has to be Nick Nack, a Gordon Bleu butler, midget, actor, scientist and all round sneaky little buggar, which Bond finally packs up in what looks like a ventriloquist dummy case. He does end the film alive so I can only hope we might see him again in subsequent films.